Surviving LUPUS

God has reminded me that despite all the trials that HE is sending my way, HE still loves me very much. That in my journey he won’t forsake me nor leave my side. All I need is to trust him and his ways. Like before HE would help me through this and I would emerged stronger than ever. It’s quite difficult to believe that it would get better soon but looking back I know there is a light at the end of the dark tunnel. I have been through worst before when I was first diagnosed with LUPUS not knowing what to do and no one to tell us what’s the next move. Things are a lot better now. Financially, medically and psychologically. This is just a phase. A phase I am going to passed with God’s help.

I hope this phase would be over soon. And after it, I would still emerged as victorious. If that happens I would celebrates and make sure I will give a lot of save the date cards to family and friends. lol. But seriously, I am now in a tough situation. I have to monitor what I eat. Something am not really used to. I have to discipline myself or else I will suffer the consequences. Then, financially, it’s a tough battle also. Imagine, my medicine cost is PHp 705 per day. Yes, that much! Thank God my doctor said that the medication would only last for six months…hopefully. For now, I can only pray and hope. Pray that this would be over, pray that God would grant me a chance to grow older to be with my family and hope that LUPUS would somehow take pity on me and leave me alone. But I know this would depend on me also and my willingness to fight. I bow down my head and say ‘Thy will be done’.

I am so hungry. Unfortunately I ran out of things to eat. haha. I don’t have fruits on my disposal right now. Time for some grocery shopping. Hope I can do it tomorrow after doing the laundry and cleaning the house. For now I am contend with eating dinner which includes ampalaya and baked tuna. I don’t know if it’s because of my medicine but the hunger pangs are increasing nowadays. Sometimes I cannot sleep properly because my tummy is grumbling. But I have to control myself because I am now dramatically increasing my weight again. I have to be strict in my diet. I have to. Urgh! Such a task! A challenging task. Now, I am off to dinner.

When I was still working I have an health plans. But I discontinued it when I resigned. I did not dare apply for another one because I know I would be denied because of my lupus. But someone is encouraging me to apply for another Medicare plan again. She said there is nothing to lose. We can try, if it’s disapprove then so be it. But if it’s approve, much better right? I told her I’ll think about it. I hope here in our country there is something like Allsup. Allsup is a leading nationwide provider of financial and healthcare related services to people with disabilities. Allsup does not provide health insurance. They assist people that need disability insurance in getting it. We really need people assisting those who are disable and not financially capable.

Despite the heavy rains yesterday, I decided to go to St. Lukes for my check up. The class of the little girl was canceled and so I thought it would be better because she is with me. I don’t have to rush back to fetch her after school. My blood pressure is still high, 180/90, according to doctor, my kidneys are responding to celcept which is good news. Unfortunately though he increased my dosage and that increases also my expenses when it comes to medicine. With celcept alone, I should take it four times a day and it cost Php 162. Now do the Math. urgh.

You know they always say ‘health is wealth’. Well, I would really agree with that. Ever since I have lupus I felt like I am spending a fortune to control it. With my first two years having it, I always spend 100 – 150k for hospital confinement alone. I still have to pay for laboratory test, doctors appointment and medicine. Imagine if I am healthy I might have enough funds to buy a lot of Ulysse Nardin Macho Palladium. I saw this nice timepiece over at the lussori.com among other nice piece of jewelries. The collection of the said side are awe inspiring and make me want to pick out and buy one. Lussori is located on Main Street in downtown Los Altos, CA. Lussori has over 10 years experience of bringing the world’s finest timepieces and jewelry and if you want their services they can be reach through their email and via their phone number.

I already got my laboratory results : CBC, CREATININE, SPT + SGPT. All are normal except for my RBC and CBC. I was telling the husband that my status is ‘anemic but with high blood pressure’. Odd right? Well, that’s is LUPUS for you. But I am still happy that my kidneys are responding to cellcept and medrol. I hope this will continue. Though I am still not sure if there is still protein leak because the doctor did not asked me for a urinalysis. I just hope I can get rid of the water retention. I have to discuss this with my doctor and get serious with it. I also plan to do some work out in the gym while my little girl have her one hour after school activity. Hope this will help.

Depressing! After loosing ten pounds here I am staring at my moon face. It comes with my medrol medicine. I was telling the husband that I don’t get it. I have been eating less but still there is increase in my weight. I don’t know if it’s time again for plus size clothing for women but I am bending on my discipline to crave my eating and my willingness to exercise to reduce weight.

Now I know the feeling of wanting to eat something but you have to prevent yourself from eating it because you know it won’t be good for your health. It’s really challenging and quite frustrating. But I have to make sure I adhere to it or I’ll end up getting sick. Actually, it isn’t a doctor’s advise but still I prefer to do it because I love my family. I wanted to live longer despite my LUPUS.

Since I have been on the lookout for second hand car to buy, I am quite aware of all those cars that are being sold nearby. Actually, there are four auto shops in our neighborhood and all of them have cars for sale. Then a fellow mom told me today that they have a friend who is selling his car for Php 90k but it’s an old Toyota model. I know even for the cheap price the husband won’t allow me to buy it. I just knew. haha. He really wanted to buy a new one so that we would be spare of all the headaches the comes with owning a second hand car.